Locked but, sadly, not loaded

When one door closes, another is supposed to open. Yet another idiom proven to be false. This bathroom door had given me trouble for about a year. Nevertheless, it always eventually functioned as designed - it closed without a hitch and the door would lock. And it opened just as often, albeit with some effort.

I do believe in that other idiom that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. So, I never did. If the door and lock worked, then they were not “broke.” This time, however, something was different. The lock was indeed broke and broke good. An audible crack in what I found to be a plastic piece that made up its locking mechanism was my first clue that something wasn’t going to give. Pieces of plastic fell out onto the bathroom floor. And it appeared to be such high-quality plastic, too. Go figure.

Next came the endless spin of the doorknob. Imagine Linda Blair’s head spinning in The Exorcist movie and you have some idea of what I was dealing with. I was certain that if I could wiggle the knob just right, that I could “catch” the remaining lock pieces well enough to move the latch and get the door opened. No such luck.

In the process of trying to catch the latch, a good portion of the doorknob itself came off in my hand leaving me with a stuck door firmly latched and not going anywhere. To make matters worse, no one was around to help. No phone, no tools, no pet. Just me locked away in a tiny bathroom.

Sitting there contemplating the life choices that led to me being stuck and stranded, a realization came through loud and clear about being locked away in jail and how that was not for me. The first and foremost reason I will not get into. But beyond that, the food could potentially be a problem. Now, I’ve had occasions to tour the kitchen at the Grimes County Jail. They do a terrific job preparing healthy, well-rounded meals for their inhabitants. Still, being the picky eater I am, it is very likely I would lose weight just through a lack of caloric intake. Then there is the whole

“confined space” issue. Not that I mind small spaces all that much. I’ve lived in many of them over the years and the tiny house movement sounds like a great idea to me. But it would be giving up the ability to leave when I wanted, the freedom to exit at will, that would be most challenging. Like what I was facing at that moment in the bathroom.

I want to give a shoutout to my rescuer, my wife, for coming along and hearing my shoutout. She grabbed some tools and set me free. As it turns out, communication really is key.

But if I had to go to either a Facebook jail or a Twitter jail, I would select the Twitter jail. It has shorter sentences.

The column represents the thoughts and opinions of Johnny McNally. Opinion columns are NOT the opinion of the Navasota Examiner.

Johnny McNally is Grimes County’s Best Dressed Businessman advocating for Grimes County and writes a bi-weekly column for the Navasota Examiner.